Friday, July 4, 2008

how I feel

everyone e-mails me to see how I'm doing. I'll be honest - now that I have passed 94 days - I am in an amazing place mentally, physically, emotionally, and spirtitually. I feel like a snake that just molted - still kinda the same, yet kinda different, and had to happen for growth. Picking blueberries that day by myself - everything clicked - I just had to let it happen. Having the meltdowns was tough - but part of the process. For those that do yoga - I feel like what you feel like after a great session. For runners - imagine having a runners high for 10-12 hours a day, going to bed - then doing it again. I can't really articulate it - but letting everything go has done wonders for me. That's hard for a planner to say - but I get it now. I don't smash my way over rocks anymore - I envision water flowing - and how it takes the least resistent path - and that's how I hike and how I want to live. Will serve me well in life - no more "bigger hammer" approach. Listening to a lot of music now - have always loved Pearl Jam and the song "nothingman" from the Vitalogy CD. Think for the first time though - I "heard" it. It is exactly how I feel at this particular moment in my life. I am no longer focused on the future or the past - just living in the now - much better place to be. Here are the lyrics for your enjoyment.

Once divided, nothing left to subtract. Some words when spoken, can't be taken back. Walks on his own, with thoughts he can't help thinking. Future's above, but in the past he's slowly sinking. Caught a bolt of lightening, cursed the day it let it go. Nothingman. Nothingman. Isn't it something - nothingman. She once believed, in every story he had to tell, one day she stiffened - took the other side. Empty stares, from each corner of a shared prison cell - one just escapes, one's left in side the well. And he who forgets - will be destined to remember. Nothingman. Nothingman. Isn't it something, nothingman. She don't want him, she won't feed him - after he's flown away. Into the sun. Into the sun. Nothingman. Nothingman. Isn't it something, nothingman. Could have been something - nothingman.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

then I guess it was our lucky day that our paths crossed with yours today!. ( we were the mom n baby w/out backpack dropping off dads 'n teens for their few days on the NJ AT) We'll follow you to Maine ( virtually that is ! ) .. good luck. MG

Anonymous said...

Good post Kev! Everyone has been wondering how you are doing emotionally. We're all glad that things are very good for you! Keep it up!!

T said...

KD! It's been amazing to see the impact of the hike on yourself and your outlook! Also wanted to share that thousands of miles away your blog posts are impacting those of us back home too, those of us still in the daily grind! Just the inspiration we need after a rough day - thank you! :) Glad to hear all is well, and know we're all still checking in and loving your updates!